He does. He really really does.http://www.randywritesletters.com/It must be really glamorous to work for MTV Networks for no compensation. Your so-called internship program is bordering on the edges of legality and for all intents and purposes is little more than slave labor.http://www.randywritesletters.com/001.htmlWed, 03 Nov 2004 12:21:58 ESTYou know, I stayed up until one thirty last evening to see the outcome of this election. It probably doesn't make much difference to you. http://www.randywritesletters.com/002.htmlWed, 03 Nov 2004 13:08:45 ESTWe met briefly not too long ago. However, we didn't get a chance to speak much because I was busy choking to near death on a gulp of water that went down the wrong way.http://www.randywritesletters.com/003.htmlFri, 05 Nov 2004 19:03:32 ESTLast night I was riding on the F-Train. It was late. Very late. Probably about three in the morning. I was riding with a friend and her two friends.http://www.randywritesletters.com/004.htmlSat, 06 Nov 2004 21:37:06 ESTI originally wanted to email Bono. You know, the guy from U2. I wanted to tell him what it's like to walk around the West Village on a brisk Monday night on the verge of winter. http://www.randywritesletters.com/005.htmlTue, 09 Nov 2004 10:23:07 ESTI'm not sure if this is Kurt Vonnegut or if he will actually ever read this. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite sure he is capable of reading. I don't doubt his reading ability in the slightest.http://www.randywritesletters.com/006.htmlTue, 09 Nov 2004 23:10:47 ESTAt my school we have this thing called Consortia Night where these industry people come in and technobabble on for a couple of minutes.http://www.randywritesletters.com/007.htmlWed, 10 Nov 2004 12:01:27 ESTI've been seeing much of you lately on television in regards to nuclear arms proliferation. That's really none of my business I suppose.http://www.randywritesletters.com/008.htmlFri, 12 Nov 2004 19:00:14 ESTI read your essay "Happenings in the New York Scene" in the New Media Reader quite some time ago. I remember finding it quite amusing.http://www.randywritesletters.com/009.htmlMon, 15 Nov 2004 23:41:42 ESTI must thank you for doing your part to ensure my God given right to a free and open democracy governed by the people. It is comforting to know that we have collectively appointed a benevolent despot such as yourself to sit atop the capital's hill to look down upon us with your satellites and surveillance bugs and packet sniffers and what not.http://www.randywritesletters.com/010.htmlWed, 24 Nov 2004 01:00:00 ESTExcuse me if I come across as brash, but I have been monitoring the progress of the UN for quite some time and it doesn't seem as though you ever accomplish much of anything. http://www.randywritesletters.com/011.htmlWed, 24 Nov 2004 01:00:01 ESTI lied about that. This has nothing to do with land whales. But now that I have your attention, I really just wanted to say hi. I have not heard from you in a while.http://www.randywritesletters.com/012.htmlSun, 28 Nov 2004 14:44:49 ESTNot too long ago I received an email from a member of the CD community. This member of the CD community was a she as she happened to be; not a he, but a she. http://www.randywritesletters.com/013.htmlWed, 1 Dec 2004 01:00:00 ESTI'm not really Christian, but I think I damn well deserve a lump of coal this year. Now, before you bring me less-than zero and penalize me for being Jewish and all, I think you should just hear me out.http://www.randywritesletters.com/014.htmlSun, 5 Dec 2004 16:11:44 ESTI appreciate the response to my initial letter, albeit not prompt. Anyway, I'll keep my rebuttal short. I think you missed the point of our last correspondence.http://www.randywritesletters.com/015.htmlTue, 7 Dec 2004 23:43:57 ESTNot too long ago my little brother wrote a song called "Oprah is a Communist." Albeit untrue, it is quite funny. You should hear it. http://www.randywritesletters.com/016.htmlWed, 19 Jan 2005 01:00:00 ESTI would like to thank you for your generosity in providing me with a free hat. However, I don't intend to sound ungrateful, but you seemed to have misplaced your "viral" advertising campaign for "Two-Headed Dog" upon your gift to me.http://www.randywritesletters.com/017.htmlTue, 25 Jan 2005 01:00:00 ESTIt is important to carefully weigh one's words when submitting an application for such a prestigious event. Unfortunately, I've just given up my cunningly devilish ruse early in the game, so there is little sense in continuing with the pointless pleasantries.http://www.randywritesletters.com/018.htmlFri, 11 Mar 2005 12:31:19 ESTI wrote you a while ago. You didn't write back. That was really rude of you. How do you ever expect me to take you seriously as leader of the free world if you can't even respond to a silly little letter?http://www.randywritesletters.com/019.htmlFri, 25 Mar 2005 12:50:54 ESTI once knew this guy named Craig. He was really into the band Journey. Are you really into Journey? Danica is kind of really into Journey. I met her on your list.http://www.randywritesletters.com/020.htmlTue, 5 Apr 2005 13:01:47 ESTI would highly appreciate if you return all the useless crap that you bothered to take off me at gun point last night in front of the empty Boarshead parking lot. The stuff is really worth a lot more to me than it is to you.http://www.randywritesletters.com/021.htmlFri, 20 May 2005 01:00:00 ESTSome months ago, I went through the harrowing process of censorship. I suppose it has been for the good of everyone.http://www.randywritesletters.com/022.htmlWed, 25 May 2005 01:00:00 ESTUpon leaving my apartment one afternoon not too long ago, I discovered feces that could only have come from either a small dog or a very large rat.http://www.randywritesletters.com/023.htmlSun, 15 May 2005 01:00:00 ESTI duly respect the religious mission of The Creation Museum. It is about high time that someone praised the greatness of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ's finest work thoroughly and accurately.http://www.randywritesletters.com/024.htmlFri, 27 May 2005 01:00:00 ESTI saw your flyer on Mulberry Street. Unfortunately, it was not I who lost the Tyrannosaurus Rex. However, after having a few drinks the other night with my father to celebrate his recent divorce, my sister accidentally left the signed divorce papers in the back of a taxi.http://www.randywritesletters.com/025.htmlSat, 27 Aug 2005 13:12:06 ESTAfter considering all possible interpretations of your rant against living in Miami and you rant about CPB, I have decided that I probably don't want to move to Miami and work for CPB.http://www.randywritesletters.com/026.htmlSun, 20 Nov 2005 12:22:27 ESTExcuse me for the delay, but I have been a bit backlogged lately. I am a busy man. A busy man with real concerns to address. The world is a complicated place that forces me to take action, accomplish tasks and reflect upon my surroundings.http://www.randywritesletters.com/027.htmlMon, 21 Nov 2005 22:11:55 ESTUpon speaking with my girlfriend this afternoon, it has been brought to my attention that in tenth grade she had taken a PLAN test. Apparently your scoring-robot told her that she ranked 98th nationally, was in the tenth region and that her lucky numbers were 62, 34, 58, 12, 23 and 38.http://www.randywritesletters.com/028.htmlTue, 14 Mar 2006 01:00:00 ESTApproximately two years ago I wanted to construct a fish pond in the 10th floor lobby. You told me not to. Now, I couldn't help but overhearing. I often can't help but overhearing.http://www.randywritesletters.com/029.htmlWed, 22 Mar 2006 15:57:55 ESTA web designer with any common sense would not design a website that works exclusively with Internet Explorer. Not to mention, an internet user with any common sense would not be using a browser as insecure and unreliable as Internet Explorer.http://www.randywritesletters.com/030.htmlThu, 23 Mar 2006 11:59:45 ESTThe other day I was shopping online for a video that would help me enhance my inner psychic ability and couldn't help but notice your reviews on Amazon.com for Litany Burns' "Develop Your Psychic Powers."http://www.randywritesletters.com/031.htmlTue, 28 Mar 2006 12:08:04 ESTFirst things first; I would like to state for the record that I do not know how to pronounce your name and I really don't care. With that said, the next thing I would like to tell you is that I'm throwing a party and you're not invited.http://www.randywritesletters.com/032.htmlFri, 31 Mar 2006 13:58:59 ESTI saw that you were looking for volunteers and I was wondering how I can become the person who rides in the little inflatable boat and waves the flag? http://www.randywritesletters.com/033.htmlFri, 2 Jun 2006 22:35:15 PSTYou heard me! Stay away. It really is not exciting to work eighty hours a week doing really boring and tedious work just because you can drop the names of a couple big brands.http://www.randywritesletters.com/034.htmlMon, 17 Jul 2006 10:53:59 PSTI would like to open a savings account with your organization. Just the other day, my mother stressed the importance of having a personal savings account and I feel that she may be on to something.http://www.randywritesletters.com/035.htmlFri, 11 Aug 2006 10:02:39 PSTNo matter how many "hip" do-it-yourself projects you post to instructables.com, you are not going to fool anyone into buying-in to your brand image. Your marketing campaign is ill-researched and just plain silly.http://www.randywritesletters.com/036.htmlFri, 19 Aug 2006 11:11:11 PSTA couple of days ago one of your employees, presumably by accident, introduced me to the basic metaphysics of mail delivery. Apparently, as I am sure you know, mail travels along the Mail Stream.http://www.randywritesletters.com/037.htmlSun, 20 Aug 2006 10:37:31 PSTYour cousin Danica says I have to encourage you, so let this be encouraging. Let it be known that the future is a funny place, but I would avoid laughing in its face or it will shank you with a box-cutter.http://www.randywritesletters.com/038.htmlTue, 29 Aug 2006 22:56:31 PSTI have a fear of growing up? Have we met? Did we go to Hebrew school together? Have you been talking to my mother? How perchance did you come upon my name? Ihttp://www.randywritesletters.com/039.htmlTue, 28 Nov 2006 20:56:51 PSTThank you very much for having some decent taste. You make one hell of a mix tape. Actually, it's not a tape at all. It's a two-CD compilation. Which, albeit not a mix tape, is not something to turn one's nose up at.http://www.randywritesletters.com/040.htmlSun, 4 Feb 2007 11:04:51 PSTI asked my girlfriend what we can do for the children in 2007 and she told me to "suck it" and I thought to myself, "What a brilliant idea." We can suck it for the children. http://www.randywritesletters.com/041.htmlSun, 4 Feb 2007 12:28:51 PSTMy girlfriend and I were driving around today when we drove past a store being operated out of some woman's garage called "Gift Fun Shop." Obviously we decided to circle back around the block to check it out.http://www.randywritesletters.com/042.htmlSun, 11 Mar 2007 19:41:51 PSTI was looking at your proposed legislation and it really puts a damper on my day. Making art is hard enough, but now I have to invest in a second tripod onto which I can switch the camera every 9 minutes within a 30 minute time period.http://www.randywritesletters.com/043.htmlWed, 25 Jul 2007 17:29:51 ESTI haven't seen anything like Harry Potter night since they released a new translation of Kafka's Complete Fictions. That was true pandemonium.http://www.randywritesletters.com/044.htmlWed, 25 Jul 2007 17:31:11 ESTHow is it going? I was at Strand the other day browsing through the "Featured Graphic Novels" table and saw that Calvin and Hobbes now has a complete 3-book collection.http://www.randywritesletters.com/045.htmlWed, 15 Aug 2007 12:28:51 ESTOf all the candidates running you seem like the least corrupt. Well, at least, the least corrupt of all the candidates that stand a chance of winning. http://www.randywritesletters.com/046.htmlSun, 23 Sep 2007 19:24:51 PSTI must be mellowing in my old age because three years ago I would have already insulted you twice and then have outright demanded that you include "Randy Writes Letters" (randywritesletters.com) in your media arts show. Then again, one doesn't really age much in three years. http://www.randywritesletters.com/047.htmlThu, 4 Oct 2007 13:31:51 ESTThey're advertising for "Maynard and Jennica" everywhere. At the very least, it seems like they are advertising for it everywhere.http://www.randywritesletters.com/048.htmlWed, 14 Nov 2007 20:26:51 ESTIt was recently asked of me, and, for that matter, everyone else on this list, "who the hell uses aol?" I have given this much thought.http://www.randywritesletters.com/049.htmlFri, 22 Nov 2007 01:26:51 PSTI just bought a lunch box from a Walgreens located on Market St. in downtown San Francisco. It had an informative sticker on it telling me that the product contained both lead and cadmium.http://www.randywritesletters.com/050.htmlFri, 22 Nov 2008 01:26:51 PSTI just read "The Boom is Over. Long Live the Art!" and must say that you are wrong. Art has been, and will continue to be, alive and well.http://www.randywritesletters.com/051.htmlTue, 3 Mar 2009 01:26:51 PST