Subject: In regard to dinosaurs.
Date: Sat, 27 Aug 2005 13:12:06 -0400
I saw your flyer on Mulberry Street. Unfortunately, it was not I who lost the Tyrannosaurus Rex. However, after having a few drinks the other night with my father to celebrate his recent divorce, my sister accidentally left the signed divorce papers in the back of a taxi. So, should you happen to come upon my father's divorce papers, I would be more than grateful to get them back. As thanks for this kind deed I would be happy to recompense you for your troubles. Seeing your fondness for dinosaurs, I can give you a large plastic triceratops I received from a one-legged sailor that I got in a trade for naked pictures of my girlfriend. Should you too want naked pictures of my girlfriend, you can get the contact information of the one-legged sailor from a particular red-headed midget usually found in the proximity of the Federal Reserve Bank off Maiden Lane. Anyway, the one-legged sailor told me that he was looking to exchange these pictures of my naked girlfriend with an amateur porn collector who apparently has in his possession a rare nineteen-fifties water bottle shaped like Jayne Mansfield. This water bottle apparently can be swapped with a particular bird smuggler in a Venezuelan port town for what, I can not say. However, you don't need to track down the smut collector because I once saw one of these water bottles at a street fair in the West Village. So, I would advise frequenting street fairs and promptly finding the midget to figure out how to get ahold of the sailor. But really, I would greatly appreciate the return of my father's divorce papers. His personal information is all over those things and it would give him great piece of mind. He is under enough stress.